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I feel like ive made advances, but ive not worked on it for very long now. Ive looked, studied, watched, listened, "Im a spy in the house of love" .. waited and now im starting to apply what i have learned. Its too bad this forum has to take the brunt of my sillyness, but I feel like I should just Do. Im positive about any changes that could happen to me. Im keeping a positive outlook on deprogramming because I can feel so unbalanced at times that I need to focus on something that is balancing. I feel grounded most of the time but I get out of balance with myself and the world. I love all of the discoveries that I have found and this forum has been a tremendous help so far. I understand what you mean by the Cult Alter. I dont feel that here or with expansions. I go my way they go theirs. Cult Alters or Personality Alters are almost the same. Someone has a strong Personality and you get drawned in by them and lose yourself, like a ghost.......................
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Hi William,
Re: Normal
I know some people experience an almost constant shifting sense of self. These people have very mutable personalities.
I was thinking more along the lines of two examples I'll give you. The first is recent. When the war between Lebanon and Israel broke out, not only me but I know many people were feeling very disturbed by those energies being released upon the earth. My internal sense of normal was changed and it took me several days to reorient myself to the point where I felt normal again.
Another example is years ago when there was really heavy chemtrail spraying and heavy geomagnetic storming going on simultaneously. My body felt as though it was being changed in a fundamental way. I was trying to figure out how I was going to adjust because my sense of inner normalcy was very disrupted that day.
My sense of having to repeatedly adjust to new sets of circumstances seems to be the biggest challenge I face these days.
Polly
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Hi Kimberly,
Thanks for your interest. :) Maybe in time others will have input. It is a subject I have been thinking about for at least a year and concerns me specifically because I like to know how others are really doing in this process.
Polly
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My feelings of normality have become less physically oriented. I often spend vast amounts of time dealing with mind energies and dreams/inspiration concepts. I get flooded with creative ideas, and frustrated by the global consciousness that does not seem to have many windows to accept them. However, i feel i am building my own blueprint on some Superconscious level that has yet to reveal itself, though I do get glimpses! :D
These past weeks have been extremely difficult. But then, I could say that in many ways about this whole year; my whole deprogramming process over 5 years; my whole life! However, I do notice a distinct fluidity increasing as the astral levels gain more access to our lives and global life-patterns. I find that timestreams are more visible, yet more manipulated. In the middle of all the chaos I seem to be a calm stream. I know that no matter what is happenng to me, no matter how awful and self-violent my thoughts become, no matter where I am; I am in the middle of a unqiue and fascinating process of self-discovery.
In terms of physicality: I have not made the progress I would like. The career I discussed with Stewart two years ago is still "on the verge" of coming true. My finances and family relationships have their blocks to overcome, though I am more relaxed about this now. I often feel that people with powerful creative natures are monetarily suppressed and disgarded. The ways in which we value concepts and products around us shows our level of respect for innovation and individual creation. It's pretty low...!!!
In my deprogramming I have changed many times. I started out at 16 with fear and denial of my programmed state, followed by gradually introducing myself to deprogramming exercises when I realised how everything stacked up. I worked essentially by myself, with no one else to communicate with for two years, when i made a couple of email contacts. At 19 I had my first consult, which provided a catalyst for moving deeper and working with Stewart on my process. It also confirmed a number of things I had known about myself for years - things that wree in my future. I went so deep nad fast in my deprogramming that Stewart had to keep telling me to slow down; but it felt 'normal' and exhilarating to me to be suddenly free to fly through all these energies beyond time with the knowledge that I had a safety net as I wasn't all by myself anymore. I found a lot of unusual information, which I am still learning to udnerstand even now.
I did crash though. Even though I took precautions and plenty of rest times, I got deeply sabotaged after I visited St. Joseph in '04. The energy of movements and chagne there brought up a deep back alter that has ritual/demonic functions, and it tore into me very deeply. I spent the next 5 months recovering by doing daily release work, mostly on anger. I remember sometimes spending as long as two weeks release specific energy constantly until I could feel more balance. My deepest rage, fear, jealousy, Egocentric behaviours, insecirities, and self-hatred came roaring up out of their depths with full force. It's like standing in a hurricane. I held onto the faint hope that my salvation lay in continuing to move forward and empty myself of this twisted power.
I then moved into blcoked communications, Ego/sexual energy (releasing loads of energy from my root chakra), and the ELF/lime/bright yellow energies that tried to control me. Each day could feel like a battle, and sometiems I would have respite for an hour or two where I'd clearly see that ih ad made some progress and would continue to improve. All my current relationships fell apart, and I became a recluse for 18 months. At the end of last year, I finally felt I had made some distinct headway, and one day told my Oversoul that I want to be a deprogramming counsellor/mentalist as a part of my career. Within a couple of days i got invited to be a moderator here, which has adjusted my sense of nromal even further. Watching the interactions and learning to be self-governing as much as possible has taught me more than I could have believed. I am very thankful for the opportunity.
My deprogramming process these days is quite different. I have worked on my own techniwues that combine singing/toning knowledge and coloured energy streams. I prefer to go straight to the root energy than deal with virtual programming realities, and I also have a great amount of insight now into the causative patterns of the mind, which means I observe myself through my environment. I see how others around me are, and find that within me.
Although I felt i went severely backward, I think in fact I was leapfrogged forward. The amount of energy I have processed has given me a greater calm and tolerance towards all people, and an understanding of how/why they may become reactive without needing to judge. I know exactly what it is like to be dropped for not measuring up to others ideas of what I should be, and I also know that these dark times we go through are the test and promise of our strength.
Hope that fits somewhat with the thread conept Polly ;) Thank you for the well-wishes. I feel better today, though sometiems nervouw and frustrated of what will come in my future; but I am also calm knowing that whatever seems to go 'wrong' is in fact my redirection. :D
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Thank you, Monica. I am encouraged by what you wrote as you looked back over your progress abd how you presented it. I have found that learning to regulate one's energies and use them at optimum times for the most benefit (soul purpose wise) is an art and takes lots of practice. This is in deep contrast to always having had one's energies stimulated and harvested in ways not intended by the conscious personality.
Polly :)
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Hi Polly,
Thanks. :) I agree with your statements too. The art of self-governance is a deep process of learning; one that I wish were more prevalent in the world!!
Octahedron: thanks for sharing those ideas. I think the basics are always a good tool for keeping on track, combined with some inner creativity to keep things interesting!! :D
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Monica, you make an excellent description of changes over the years of deprogramming ;) :thumbsup:
I`m thinking of changes as a natural process of individual progress.
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