Posts: 93
Threads: 9
Joined: Dec 2008
Reputation:
0
This week has been extremly difficult and I would appreciate some advice....
As part of my deprogramming I started to analyse my life by writing down all my experiences, thoughts, feelings, dreams, visions etc. These writings included some things that were difficult to write and difficult for even me to read over. I deleted most as part of the releasing process, however I did not delete some of these writings which included some thoughts of a sexual nature and the type of women that I am attracted to amongst other childhood memories.
My wife accidently came across these writings and was rather shocked and disturbed by them and is now very very upset with me. I feel very embarresed, ashamed, and guilty. I cannot explain all of this to her because she does not understand why I would have these thoughts. I also cannot explain it to her in a way that she can understand, especially since she does not know anything about programming. I am also trying to understand the meaning of all this myself so could not explain it very well anyway. I really do not know what to do....
Just to make things worse I have been going to a chiropractor because of problems with my neck and this week I had a major flare up and have been in a lot of pain.
Craig
Posts: 302
Threads: 4
Joined: Aug 2006
Reputation:
0
Craig, I understand how you feel because I have somewhat similar experience in my relationship. I think that you must try to explain it to her by guiding her step by step. Tell her that you need time to explain it to her and ask her to have patience with you. You can start by telling her little, and leave it to her for a couple of days, then you could add some more info, and so on. Tell her not to panic.
You said you feel ashamed and guilty. Well,this is exactly what they wanted. They are trying to sabotage you because you are trying to get to the truth. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what are you trying to do. In a fact, you should be proud that you have gained enough courage to deal with your problems.
Posts: 302
Threads: 4
Joined: Aug 2006
Reputation:
0
You said that your wife saw your writing about your lets say, sexual fantasies. Is there anything else then that? Why I ask this is because if you are not ready to tell her everything about programming and stuff, maybe you could try to explain it that the reason why you wrote that stuff is because you were doing self analysis. We are drawn to certain type of partner not by chance. It is something that we learn from our parents and surroundings while we are kids, and it changes by changing our mind pattern. There is nothing to be jealous about.
Posts: 320
Threads: 28
Joined: Jan 2008
Reputation:
0
I think having our private thoughts & feelings discovered is one of our deepest fears. When dealing with feelings of guilt and shame I would say that honesty is the best policy - like Veronica says, tell her that the only reason you wrote these things down is because you don't understand them either, and you're trying to fix it. After she's calmed down maybe she'll even be willing to help you work through some of it. It doesn't all have to be secret programming & satellites, at the end of the day you're working on yourself.
Even if this means putting it on pause until you are both a bit calmer, I'd have to agree again that you have taken a positive step in the right direction and the last thing you need is to stop altogether.
Posts: 2,758
Threads: 130
Joined: Sep 2005
Reputation:
7
Craig, adding to the comments of Veronica and Rob; Ask yourself, why can your wife being upset and disturbed about what she read.
The program activated both in you:
1) Low self worth and fear in your wife
2) Guilt and shame in you.
these are the standard control mechanisms of church and religion for thousands of years.
Posts: 93
Threads: 9
Joined: Dec 2008
Reputation:
0
Thank you Veronica, Rob, and Octahedron - I really appreciate your advice.
I appreciate your help. Your advice gives me comfort that so far I think have been doing the right thing. Fortunately, I did tell my wife that I was doing 'self analysis' work and that I was getting help to resolve the issues in my life.
It was not only sexual things that I wrote about - I also wrote about some things from my childhood, family etc. However, it was the sexual stuff that my wife focused on. This is because she is more conservative and traditional than me and we already had relationship issues.
These thoughts were not fantasies at all but rather random thoughts and memories of past thoughts, experiences etc.
My was upset when she read that I find other women attractive. While what I wrote about this was taken out of context I can understand how this could have upset he. I am attracted to other women and my wife does know this and we have discussed it. I am also working on this. If this was all that it was I think we could work it out but the real problem is that a couple the thoughts included certain sexual activities with other men. These thoughts were not fantasies and not exciting. I also know that I am definately not bisexual and am convinced that this comes from programming but could also just be a strange thought. However, this has convinced my wife that I want to have sexual experiences that include other men. For me this has been the most embarresing.
The other thing is that she sais that I am too obsessed with my 'strange interests' and not in touch with reality. She now also sees me as a different person! My wife also has many issues of her own she has a tendency to overreact and become over emotional.
On the positive side we are at least communicating better and she does understand most of the other stuff that I wrote.
Craig
Posts: 302
Threads: 4
Joined: Aug 2006
Reputation:
0
Posts: 320
Threads: 28
Joined: Jan 2008
Reputation:
0
Posts: 302
Threads: 4
Joined: Aug 2006
Reputation:
0
Posts: 2,758
Threads: 130
Joined: Sep 2005
Reputation:
7
|
